The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done



Hardest thing I’ve ever done is show what I feel

Break silent chains and shatter the seal

All my life this door’s been closed

Memories and emotion trapped safely inside

NEVER FEEL! Don’t be weak! Always composed

People only saw my smile, while I silently cried


My mask, my mind could always bear

What my heart exclaimed in pain

“I hate you, but I care”

Deeds and words like drought and rain

My being screams out, crying invisible tears

Please can someone see and calm my fears


I often wish for somewhere to belong

Spread my wings – like a falcon fly free

Revive my dream; forget all that’s wrong


Be accepted for who I am, free to be me

Look past the mask, look and really see

Take my hand, help me to stand

Instead – people lie, on their faces a smile

Be patient with me…. To trust takes a while


Wonder if there really is hope

Will I ever live and not just cope

Wonder if anyone will ever dare

To reach out, persist and genuinely care


At times HOPE is difficult to see

Specially if my eyes are on me

And have to decide: look up and around

To wage this war with all my might

Remember: Darkness is defeated by even a sliver of LIGHT

And I know … the only key is the one I at last, have found


A victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse (1999)